Saturday, March 26, 2011

son

sharing all my thoughts
of hope and
love
from years beyond the scope
of reason
because surely things
will change
know your home
know your safe
always with us
no matter what
we will be here for
you
in life
in hearts and death
to come
know you're loved
whenever we
think of you
or thoughts of us
do brew

you are so ingrained
a part of me
a large portion of who i
am is so much because of
you

my brave and strong
young boy
that no one sees
that's you
you will have thoughts
and challenges seemingly
insurmountable, i know
remember that choices
are yours to make
only
you can make the change to
move forward your
life journey
to make it great

never lose your compassion
the beautiful caring love
you share in hugs of
early childhood
please don't let go
it's one of the most
beautiful visions of
your character

i'm so lucky as i watch you
play
soccer or using your
imagination
many different ways outside
in the backyard
most won't see your
resilience and although you
struggle with some changes
in honesty
you have this ability
to roll with the punches
at least the big ones
you embrace
so incredibly

a thoughtful young
man
who will sit and contemplate
many a time
the different
wonderful and not so
sides of life
remember to take many
of those moments
breathe
love life, enjoy it
remember how lucky we are to share
this time together
to live together
in this life
experiencing it with
you
me
us
we are so fortunate
to have you with
us
in our family journey
without you
i'm not sure of who
i'd be
loving you is such a apart of
me
remember the fabulous times
and be happy for them
because those are the moments
that matter
don't be sad for too long
be happy we love
have love
love to be loved
in life long
dreams down roads
of stone bumps and
bruises
know that we're
always here with you
to help you along the way
our family door is always
open and welcoming
you home
no matter who you are
and what you do
we will always
have love in our hearts
for you
my son
my brilliant shining star

daughter

Strikingly fast time
has passed
thinking hard about all
the lessons you need to know
and learn from me
before time goes
away completely

wanting you to know
how timeless are the times
when
i watched you sleep
not so creepily but beautifully
and peacefully
breathe
gazed often in amazement
at your lust and energy
for life

the laughter you've brought us
from just weeks after
your beautiful birth
that smile, so infectious

Taking all your precious
qualities
so innocent and brave
please keep them close
don't lose yourself
love yourself, like I love you
from the inside out
challenges will surely come
and
go
in the throws of life
so trivial though
in hindsight
you will see
time will help you see
how you can overcome
greatest odds

intellectual challenges
will surface around
corners unseen
choices are yours
even if they suck
you always have a choice
to move yourself
forward

I watch and wait for you
to grow
hoping to stop you

mid-way through
you
slow down and wait with
me a while
while i catch my breath

what i tell you today
doesn't really matter
because you will learn
and develop your own
life
perspectives
for the most part.

Know that we care
whoever you are
whatever you do
we will be here for you
for you to hug
feel safe
feel loved
no matter what
no judgement will
lay at the door
of your family.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

It probably really hurt...

I've been wanting to write this for a while sorry it's taken so long...

i was mad
I'm sure
you were too
we said some things that
i know i didn't mean
i remember what i said though
years later only
i realize
what that might have meant

to you

our bond, we share
runs so deep
I'm sad 
here
as i fail to let go of
what i said so long ago

"i would be a better mother than you"
that somehow you might
"not be a good mother
to your only
kids"
"i would save them from you
with visits from me"
and
so
with that

I'm so sorry

time has passed
and i have learned so much
learned that i was wrong
wrong to say what i said
it was mean
and i was young and i was
mean in saying
what i said to you
that day, those days

it might not mean a lot
twenty odd years have passed
still feeling it
and feel horrible for it 
coursing through me
are pains of regret

how can i
now
show you how wonderful you are
how many a day i listen
to you raise your beautiful daughter
and wish i could summon the patience
you so brilliantly share with
her

sitting here
thinking of you
your mothering
caring
kind and gentle ways
knowing your daughter
couldn't ever have
a better woman to admire
strong and loving
determined and soft
and so
intelligently opinionated
but only when you need to be
i admire you so immensely

a
mother
such a good mother
one i long to sometimes be
i hope you know
how much you mean to
me

i am so
sorry
i want to erase those words
from memories of past
perhaps you have
already
unable to
myself
i write to you and beg
for forgiveness undeserved

Books to Read

  • Demon Haunted World - Carl Sagan
  • Bearing Witness