walking a road to change

describing in detail
the likes of poverty i saw yesterday
to my seven year old
today
explaining the difference
city life
growth that will inevitably
seep in to his mind
like ivy growing up sides of
houses
every day we walk the streets
near our house we
won't escape it or not know
existence of the poor
life challenged individuals
all with many stories
we will not hide
instead
learn to help and understand
reasoning currently
incomprehensible
he's afraid of change and moving
again
afraid to try to make new friends
its hard
he's worked hard
being sensitive and quiet
finding friends is difficult
for people like us
i kept explaining the different world
where the park is right outside our
front door
libraries await only just down the street
can i just wake up and go to play
he asked
to which my reply was
no way
here or there you must wait
for us to be there with you
everything is close
there are buses
lots of people
schools next to stadiums
amongst the list of things cool
smiling he begins to
think of the differences he
can make
living in diverse arrangements
brings a whole new
life for him
we
while working hard to stay
employed
above poverty lines and financially stricken
taking risks moving from
village to village
at least there is the knowledge
that he will experience the many
ways in which people live
understand the differences
people have
and know that it's okay
perhaps
here
will be help for him
to see
its okay to be who you are
because everyone is different
and that's okay here
more acceptance
surprisingly in places
unknown

sleeping man

A man sleeps
against a wall on the ground
in an entrance to the parking
garage
me watching from afar
a man sits cross legged on
the sidewalk
banging his half mitt-ed
hands against his thighs
as he makes music
in his head
while his other bearded
friend stands slightly
to his side
ignoring all that he has said
staring blankly to the
road as though
the six people around
weren't actually
present in his time
as though also in a world
all my own, i move on
forward
with my business, busyness
different levels of living
as thought in parallel
universes we pass on
the streets
never to meet
maybe he was tired and needed
to lie down
maybe that's his bed
so hard and bright and dark
at night
with many people watching
judging
observing as i did today
thinking about this man who
lay
as i lay
on pillows fluffy and blankets
heavy
wondering why privilege has
left me distant
afraid
conditioned to ignore

facebooking love

the love you share in online worlds
seems of make-believe and things unreal
leaving tiny bits of hope
like leaves dropping dew unexpectedly
not really knowing you
your life
anything at all
about you really
except that you're together
just seeing the joy across random
posts
on your devotion
care
sweet nothings from nowhere
like a movie drama
or dream
it broke me to see it end
just a little
i felt so sad
like when characters die
i mourned the loss of your words
to eachother
it's weird and rather creepy
I'm sure
strangely its true however

often not posted so clearly for the world to read
are words like yours
beauty so clear and kind
to one another in relationships
(unknowingly complicated)
people don't share
usually...
except that you do
embracing the love
now
again
watching the pronouncements
across my screen
creates an illusion
or truth
that
love and loveliness has conquered
so don't fucking break up
again
because i don't like
how your movie made me feel
for short moments of time
before the happy ending
liking happy endings
like humans do
;)

Thanks for your beauty

i'm scared of life

we live our formative years
in ignorance of facts and truths
thinking of Santa, elves and reindeer
tooth fairies
other make-believe characters

not knowing about the complexities
of life for years
leaving fairy tales behind
embracing facts
having children
growing older, taking responsibilities
of life on

the visuals of death surround
us at levels in conceived before
people i love so close
people i love so far
too far away to do anything
too close in connection
fear closes in on my heart
growing weary of not knowing
which day will take my last breath

or she will hers
he might his
worry takes hold of my thoughts
becoming irrational
from once was rational
or not
just young
and inconceivable
wishing thoughts of sadness
possibilities of death to subside
maybe when I'm old
or older
or dead

partner not afraid to die?
how can that be when this life
is all we have
all
we
have?!!
maybe time and elderly
feelings will get the better
of me..
until that time, i dream of dreams
unwanted
fears envisioned, certainly unwarranted
too hard to push away
my mothers craziness
and irrationality settles into my
heart and i know now
how she felt
how she feels
just don't let them go before me
whatever happens
tears swell..so unrealistic
yet completely imaginable
why

scared to live for fear of death
grabbing hold of my very breath

walking to rainbows

making moves of slight
difference
difficult beyond our
current knowledge and stress
it wouldn't be us if
we didn't keep making moves
to enhance financial gains
just as steps are taken
loads lessen
yet roads get bumpier and
more challenging
in ways beyond knowledge of
known passing
routes are blocked
working hard, not mattering
working tired and tired
of working but
still going and needing breaks
waiting for the glimmer of
hope
times when walking slowly
uphill is not our daily battlerainbows in distances
seemingly close
farther the closer you
think you're getting

missing from far away

it's been so long
how can i say anything
that might bring
you home today
please whatever you
do
know that there is always
a solution to the madness that
is life
we can all help to find a
solution that is okay
for everyone, including you
please go home...
know you're loved
and we need you around
she needs your love
your guidance
your praise
please don't go and walk
away
because you're scared today
things will change and
life will change
and love will change
and it's OK
it will get better someday
maybe not now
or right away
but soon it will when you
let go of the control you
so desperately hold
who am i to say but your
friend from far away
i remember you
you
little and fun and funny
be here be with us
please don't go away
more than ever you're
challenged with more
we know
because we hear
I'll help you
we'll help you
well all help you
but for that you must stay
please go home

moments of time

time has taken hold of the girl i know
and in silence
noisy moments
of time and life
it all sometimes goes
by so
slow

i feel all trippy when these
moments sweep in
and i watch as my children
play and talk and speak with
such love and innocence
my mind cannot escape

not just my kids but
even conversations with people
who think they're great
professing greatness
time stood
still
and more and more
this happens to me like
I'm stepping outside my body
leaving to watch from some other
place and embrace this moment
for eternity

i can't help it
escape it
or walk away
i watch in amazement
draw in each breath slowly
in every moment as though it
was the last
so incredibly
full of wonderment and
complete perplexity for this
could be the first I've heard
of what you're telling me
or the last time i see

not sure what to call it
or how to explain
the hold it traps
in me so tight
there's no escape
as though my mind doesn't know
what to make of that moment

I'm not scared but calm and
almost on morphine soaking
and figuring and wondering
in slow motion