What that really means...

sitting on a porch, on a farm, far from home
conversation strikingly sad
pessimistic and unsure

halfway through the best of what
our bodies will reasonaably give us for life
with children running with puppies around us
gardens growing, house owning
fortunate as we are

struggling to come to terms with not becoming
successful or having necessary careers
knowing
ideas of success rapidly change
as our minds shape
lives of new beings
forcing a rethink to our
strategies

it's okay
though
and i'm who I am
where i am, loving whom i do because
good choices have brought me here

times get hard
i am not the doctor or
peacekeeping earth saver
i imagined i would
one day be by now
it's okay because it's who i am
she is still in me

it's okay because life is short
no one is going to be able to save this earth
by themselves
especially me, with this family
i am the same as many others, in a house that looks
plainly like all the others, in clothes that
look normally like hers and hers and hers

success has morphed for me into the moments
that the make the difference
not the times where i give a speech to hundreds of people
at a conference
or when i organize an office, or file papers

its when i sit with friends on a porch and talk about
life and kids and tiredness
its when i soak in the air and noises of my man
chatting as he always does, my son giggle with delight
as puppies playfully follow him
when daughters play independantly and yet still sing so loudly you can hear them when they are plainly out of sight

redefining successes
understanding the reality that is this earth

helping my first born find the goodness in himself
learning success is building strong friendships
making time for beautiful families

sometimes i will long for the old days, or better choices
excluding the career or lack of "success"
or life i have today
but then
maybe there wouldn't be the have the life i have today
where happiness is such a common place