Friday, September 9, 2011

i'm scared of life

we live our formative years
in ignorance of facts and truths
thinking of Santa, elves and reindeer
tooth fairies
other make-believe characters

not knowing about the complexities
of life for years
leaving fairy tales behind
embracing facts
having children
growing older, taking responsibilities
of life on

the visuals of death surround
us at levels in conceived before
people i love so close
people i love so far
too far away to do anything
too close in connection
fear closes in on my heart
growing weary of not knowing
which day will take my last breath

or she will hers
he might his
worry takes hold of my thoughts
becoming irrational
from once was rational
or not
just young
and inconceivable
wishing thoughts of sadness
possibilities of death to subside
maybe when I'm old
or older
or dead

partner not afraid to die?
how can that be when this life
is all we have
all
we
have?!!
maybe time and elderly
feelings will get the better
of me..
until that time, i dream of dreams
unwanted
fears envisioned, certainly unwarranted
too hard to push away
my mothers craziness
and irrationality settles into my
heart and i know now
how she felt
how she feels
just don't let them go before me
whatever happens
tears swell..so unrealistic
yet completely imaginable
why

scared to live for fear of death
grabbing hold of my very breath

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Books to Read

  • Demon Haunted World - Carl Sagan
  • Bearing Witness