A friendly reminder of why I left...

Here we go again
you, reminding me
of why
i chose to be here
and not there
not in your arms
you dirty fucking scumbag.

Surely there are worse men out there
fathers who afflict violence
ones who owe a lot more than you do
ignorant dads who totally disregard
any notion of being present
does it mean i can't be mad

i'm not about to stop
and begin to accept
YOUR
absurdity, stupidity
ego-driven philosophy

I'm tired already
he's not even that old
tired of your games and your
thinking you always get the
short end
of the stick
you
fucking
prick

but you
you do that thing you always have
with your in and out
behaviours of
maybe i'll be there if it suits me
or not

i know i left to avoid this
so why the fuck does it keep existing here in my
brain with thorns and daggers attached
every time i try to release you, you
just hit harder with your attack.

something else, a power trip
a way to control
as you always have
supposing nothings changed

supposing you might step it up
or one day
tire of your half ass dad
pretend act
ike you care so fucking much
telling me
i have no idea how close you are with
MY son

except for not paying support and leaving
him high and dry
on most occasions
for fighting against the things that matter most
being late at the bus stop
not engaging
...when he's asked you to

why does your kid need to be interactive in order
to care
for him
as a baby you spent no time
babies aren't worth your time?

no bus time or car time or efforts or wonderings
as far as i could tell u didn't
care
even when he was right in front of you
grandparents are glorious for diaper changes
middle of the night feedings
and wallowing in
your own misfortunes

you tell me i'm failing him
throw stones at first chance
pick apart
my raising him
assuming i've done something wrong
telling me that
my boy is messed

fuck you
and
your fucking accusations

WHO ARE YOU
to come along
you
have five percent
of his time
and somehow
some way
you've managed to figure
out that he's a "fragile"
boy who lies to you
only
and that's my fault
you fucking idiot

YOU have NO idea
clueless and
ignorant
only involved when it
appears the leg up
might be yours

Let me
let you
in on a little secret

Never
will i give up my son
give away his love
his time and presence
if you think he's fragile
its clear
you don't know him
at all

supposing this is all i
can say
to you
from this location
as to not hurt
my son
emotionally
to let it out
to save me from
wanting you
not alive

supposing i walked
away without you ever
knowing him
i still wish i had
you make me
wish i had

your manipulative ways
with my son
trying to fight for power

for his sake i walked away
that day
resisting your urges to stay

i thank my sister
my family
for their power
support
to help me walk away from
the hate

My son will learn
about the fuck
you are
from you
all on
your own